Spring and Change

In late December, I decided to take a new route with my life. I made a lot of sudden changes that have really made an impact on my overall sense of peace. It was pretty easy to stick to my goals throughout January and February, the excitement was enough to keep my momentum up, but now, it's March and what was once "exciting" is now "restricting." However, I am determined not to let a few weeks of slipping up ruin all the progress I made before the slip ups.


I think that is one of the biggest mistakes we make. We don't give ourselves enough credit for the *good* that we do. It is our tendency to focus only on the bad. I made a lot of goals in December, and I've been making a lot of progress. Hubby and I have paid off some debts.... but I also bought some new spring clothing recently and I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to buy ANYTHING new as far as clothing/shoes/accessories for an entire YEAR. Now, I only lasted for two and a half months before caving and buying new spring jeans, and heck since I've already failed why not throw in some cute tops, a couple pairs of shoes, a dress and some costume jewelry. How do I keep doing this to myself? I know what I want and I am getting closer and closer to reaching my goal but I keep setting myself back. I keep making things harder on myself. Why do we do this to ourselves? The best answer I can come up with is, instant gratification.

I KNOW what I WANT and what I NEED is a home to share with my hubby. However, paying off my students loans and socking away every spare penny for the downpayment is NOWHERE near as much fun as going out to eat in my new shoes and skirt! Our brains are trained to seek instant gratification. I made a promise to myself not to buy anything superfluous for an entire year and yet, three months in, I cave. I felt deprived. However, instead of looking at it from the standpoint of how much money I saved by not shopping (not even once) for THREE entire months, well... for a shopaholic, that's an incredible thing! I should give myself credit for that! But here's the thing.... then I slipped up.

So I went to the mall and bought a new spring wardrobe. I got excellent deals and stacked my coupons and got everything 60-75% off, but the point is still that I failed to meet my goal. I guess I will just dust myself off and keep going, because I made a promise to myself and I can still keep it! We are getting so close to achieving our ultimate dream (our first home) and I am going to do my part to make it happen. I read once that in order to find happiness, wealth, or success, one should copy the pre-established habits of people who already have the things you want. To take this a step further, I remember a few times in my life when I felt peaceful and happy. I know I can have these things again.

I believe I can "re-create" these peaceful times by examining my behaviors during the times when I remember feeling happiest with myself. By attempting to recapture these patterns and habits, I believe I can find peace again. These habits are what I have started referring to as my "happiness factors" and you will hear me mention these key points quite often in this blog series. In behavioral science/motivation theory you will hear these referred to as "keystone" habits. The ideas are very similar. It is a building block to becoming who you want to be. So, here are my personal HAPPINESS FACTORS: (yours may vary)

1. Daily yoga/meditation/movement - It feels GREAT to get your heart going and your body moving for a minimum of 20 minutes daily. I strive to sit in quiet meditation for 10-15 minutes and move for a minimum of 20-30. I love cardio and strength training, but yoga is my go to for relaxation.

2. ROUTINES, ROUTINES, ROUTINES -  I feel best when I keep a fairly regular schedule. I try to stick to daily routines as far as sleeping/eating/exercising/cleaning habits go. It helps me to feel stable and balanced. I use many of the ideas suggested by flylady.net - I highly recommend this site if you need help with establishing a routine to organize your life. Stability and routine is an anxious girl's best friend.

3. A Diet rich in plants and lean protein - You know what they say- Good in, good out. I always feel my best when I eat a healthy diet with minimal processed/refined sugars, and high in plants and lean proteins. I try to eat a green salad a day and snack on fruit. I pre-chop veggies 1-2 times/week, so I have them on hand for cooking and snacking.

4. Reading/learning for pleasure - A good book has always been my favorite sanctuary and a curious mind is a healthy mind. Never forget to make time to read about things that interest you. Learn how to do something new. Take up a new hobby. Be creative. Be curious.

5. A clean and comfortable living space - It may have taken me TWO YEARS but I have cleaned out, decorated, decluttered and organized my living space. I always wanted my room to look and feel like a picture from a magazine. It may not always look perfect, but in just a few minutes, I can have my bedroom looking like an oasis from Better Homes and Gardens. I promise the space you have can be beautiful and clutter free, too. However, just remember it's going to take a LOT of work, if you're half as messy as I used to be. I am very grateful now that I did the work because my living space is clean, comfortable, inviting, relaxing and conducive to productivity.

6. Delayed gratification/savings - This one is TOUGH because delayed gratification doesn't seem like it makes you happy when you're in the midst of the craving for your favorite take-out restaurant. However, socking away that 20-30 bucks may seem marginal to you now, in several months, when you have 200-300 in savings, you realize that the skipped take-out dinners really weren't that important anyway. The times I have been the most peaceful in my life were the times when I lived the most simply. I lived modestly, within my means and made every effort to save SOMETHING. It feels good to know you have something to fall back on in tough times. That adds to security and security reduces anxiety.

7. Simplicity - freedom from material want - This one is very similar to number six but I really struggle with this. There was a time when I didn't care if I had a Michael Kors bag or a Target bag, yet somewhere, I changed. I began to compare myself to the people around me and felt like I needed to have the things they have. I am disappointed in myself. I don't need these things and I shouldn't want them. All I need is a happy little home with my dear husband. Not designer shoes. Not even target shoes. Not even thrift shop shoes. Less is more.

This is not an all-encompassing list. These are simply the things that I practiced during the times in my life when I have felt the most peace and happiness. In an attempt to recreate peace in my life, I am trying to be mindful of practicing these Seven Happiness Factors. I deserve to give myself these gifts. When I love and bless myself, I am also blessing those I love with the best possible version of myself. The best thing you can do for others, is to be the best possible version of yourself. What do you consider your personal happiness factors? Do you practice mindfulness?

Welcome to Project Healthy, Happy, Whole!

Hello and welcome to project healthy, happy, whole. This is the beginning of my personal journey towards inner-peace and self-fulfillment. I should start this story with a little background information and a confession. For starters, my name is Sheena, I'm a seemingly-normal 27 year-old woman who is interested in music, literature, cats, yoga, gardening, cooking and other semi-domestic things. I am married to the love of my life, my childhood best friend and we currently share a quaint little abode with my dear father while hubby and I save for our first home. Outwardly, things appear OK. Outwardly, things appear normal-enough. It's the inside where things start to get messy. I had a tough childhood, my best friend, my mother and my aunt all died in tragic ways when I was young. I was exposed to things no child should have to witness, but that isn't what this is about. This is about the struggle. What struggle you may ask?

Well, that's where the confession comes in.  my name is Sheena, I'm a seemingly-normal 27 year-old woman who is interested in music, literature, cats, yoga, gardening, cooking and other semi-domestic things. I am married to the love of my life, my childhood best friend and although I think I deserve to be happy, I have struggled my entire life with extreme anxiety and depression. Have you felt anxiety or depression in your life? My guess is that you probably have. I think a little anxiety is normal. However, I don't think it's normal to realize you haven't been anywhere other than work and the grocery store in almost six weeks...... I think I'm agoraphobic but I'm too afraid to find out (that's a bad joke, I'm clearly agoraphobic) You see, the problem is that the world and its problems are so BIG and I am so small. I often feel like I have no control over my life and the events that affect me.

Sometimes I feel helpless. OK- more often than not, I feel helpless. I've seen doctors and therapists and the whole lot of offerings of modern medicine and I believe that in many cases, with mental health, medication can be a blessing. In my situation, that is not the case. I've tried SSRIs, I've tried MAOIs, I've tried benzos and all kinds of other drugs that doctors and therapists want to throw at me. Each individual will experience different reactions and I am by no means saying, "stop taking your meds" but for me... I felt it was time to stop. I was prescribed Clonazepam for FOUR YEARS, two years for the duration of my mother's illness and two years after her death. I don't want to wander around in a medicated haze anymore. Sure, the medication can help me trick my brain into thinking I'm happy... but here's the thing. Slowly, very slow, I started to realize.... I wasn't happy, I was simply not unhappy. Now, I know what you're thinking.... that's silly and rhetorical, not to mention, she used bad grammar.... but that's the fun of rhetoric, you can use bad grammar to help explain your point. I was not depressed while on my medication, but I was not happy either. I felt just like that little black and white blob on the paxil commercial. I was just blobbing along at my life, not doing anything of real consequence.

So, I stopped taking my medication. It's been miserable. I'm not going to lie. There were times when I became physically ill. I'm still not completely free, but I am getting there. This is why I started Project Healthy, Happy, Whole! I have found moments of real joy and peace since stopping my medication. I have started feeling sincere emotions again and I want to document my journey to inner-peace. Even if your battle with anxiety and depression is not as severe as mine, I hope you can still benefit from my posts. The idea of Project Healthy, Happy, Whole! is to discover the things that make me truly happy and share them with all of you. I plan to post about the things that make me smile. So expect posts about health, fitness, meditation, mindfulness, deliberate practice, motivation theory, healthy lifestyles, healthy cooking, the occasional sweet treat, books, gardening, frugal living, cat memes and other simple joys. Anything goes here as long as it brings happiness. I have found there are so many wonders upon this blue and green planet that my mind cannot fathom them all. I hope to experience joy in the simple things. I hope to find peace and I hope to share it with you.

Until tomorrow,

Here's to being Healthy, Happy and Whole!

-Sheena Suzanne VanSandt